It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward” said one great psychologist. No, not Freud, Jung or Erikson, but Rocky Balboa, 2006.

However you feel about Stallone as a writer, we think this dialogue quite neatly sums up the importance of resilience to the human condition. Resilience is not only critical to success, but a crucial component of happiness, satisfaction, mental and physical wellbeing. And what’s great about resilience is that it can be developed; Dr Julie Smith, clinical psychologist and best-selling author writes, “when people hit a certain life event that proves more demanding than their current coping strategies can meet, we’re learning new ways of coping, to bolster that resilience”.

It’s incredible. The ability for people to work through trauma and hardship, to live through unimaginable anguish and pain, and come out the other side. “Adversity doesn’t discriminate” says Dr Lucy Hone, resilience expert and Director at the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience, “if you are alive, you are going to, or have already had to, deal with some tough times”.

And yet, despite the importance of resilience, and the fact that none of us are inherently born ‘resilient’, it doesn’t get much airtime when it comes to developing this incredibly important piece of self. While it might have changed in the 20 years, we don’t remember attending any resilience classes, or being coached on strategies to handle stress in truly effective ways. What we do remember, and this might resonate with some of you, is hearing things such as “it’ll get better”, “be positive”, “you’ll get there in the end” – sentiments coming from lovely, good-hearted people, but not particularly useful in navigating the situation you’re facing at the time.

And we’re not going to talk to you about diet, sleep, and exercise – although important – because we don’t want to be one of those people who tell you to simply “go for a walk” when you’re going through sh**. Resilience is much more complex and nuanced than that. Here are some insights that have truly helped us:

I am not a victim

In times of stress, it’s easy to get caught up in feelings of victimhood. That the universe is specifically working against you and that you can’t catch a break. The danger in this mentality, of course, is that it prevents you from taking positive action (often any action) and you can spiral into a state of depression. Resilient people, Hone says, “know that suffering is part of life… and knowing this stops you feeling discriminated against when the tough times come”.

Tune out the ego

Our egos are sensitive, attention seeking, emotional, irrational, all-encompassing, energy draining and fantastic, all at the same time. The ego is uniquely wrapped up in the concept of ‘self’ – in many ways it’s the conscious part that makes you, you. But, because of this, it’s temperamental, and often prevents you from seeing things clearly and objectively. The ego is aggressively seeking out threats and in doing so is disproportionately feeding us more negative than positive. As Fredrik Imbo, in his Ted talk on ‘How not to take things personally’ says, we have 50,000 thoughts per day and yet only 10,000 are positive, that means “80% of what we think are negative thoughts”. We sometimes need to train ourselves to put our ego back in its box and look at the facts rather than our feelings.

Evaluate what’s helping/harming

It’s important to be honest with yourself and evaluate whether what you’re doing is helping you or harming you. For instance, are you exposing yourself to situations, people or experiences which are particularly triggering or stressful? Exposure to trauma, in my opinion, does not make you resilient. Instead, as Dr Smith explains, resilience is “about making lots of small changes. Reflect on what those might be, try them, keep what works, ditch what doesn’t.”

 

Imposter syndrome. Have you experienced it? I have. Multiple times. We often attribute imposter syndrome and feelings of inadequacy to those early in their careers and just starting out. Newbies, finding their feet, battling the feeling that they’re out of their depth and trying their best to demonstrate that fake it ‘til you make it nonchalance that we’ve all heard so much about. However, imposter syndrome isn’t exclusive to 20 somethings, graduates, and new starters. According to research conducted in 2011, approximately 70% of people will experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives, even in situations where they are extremely experienced and accomplished.

This makes sense on understanding that there are actually different ‘imposter types’. Dr Valerie Young, a global thought leader on imposter syndrome has categorised these into subgroups. The ‘Perfectionist’ is perhaps the most classic and widely known type, so instead and for this example, we’ll use the ‘Natural Genius’. Dr Young states in her award-winning book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It, “Like the Perfectionist, the Natural Genius has set the internal bar impossibly high. But instead of the key measure being flawlessness, you judge yourself based on ease and speed. You expect to know without being taught, to excel without effort, and to get it right on the first attempt…. When you’re not able to do something quickly or fluently, your imposter alarm goes off”.

Does this sound like you? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t, but when we understand that imposter syndrome is experienced differently for different people, we realise that even the most seasoned among us can feel like a fraud. So, what can we do about it? Here are my quick-fire tips:

Reflect and Reframe: For me, imposter syndrome is usually triggered by one event. One single negative event in what could be a series of very positive events. An event that might have even been out of my control. Taking time out to reflect on the good and reframing the bad into something more workable and constructive is my go-to tactic. Focus on facts rather than feelings.

Moderate Social Media Use: Social media deserves its own special place in hell when it comes to making you feel inadequate. However great you’re doing, there’s always someone doing better, looking better, or giving you advice on how you can also earn six figures a month from the beach. Scroll with caution.

You do You: If you’re following me on LinkedIn, you’ll likely have noticed I’m not quite your ‘average’ recruiter. In fact, I’m quite confident in saying I wouldn’t fit in at a typical agency, and I’m sure they’d hate my attention grabbing TikToks, no matter how many roles I fill. But this is how I do things, it’s me, and it works, so why would I change that to fit into someone else’s mould? Be you and embrace it!

Talk it out: Sharing your feelings with those you trust can help you gain perspective and regain your confidence. I’m a big advocate for talking it out; open up and be vulnerable, you’ll feel better for it!

– Martin Norris, Head of Recruitment